We are most alive when we are in love.
John Updike
In the 7 years I stayed single, a love story always seemed like a fantasy. Actually, it was more like a dream where all the actors were imaginary. What would he be like? What would we talk about? Will I get tired of him at a certain point? The questions got weirder and the stories always had a different ending.
With every story I conjured, there was a different action and requirement expected of me. I had multiple roles to pay to make the relationship successful. Then, it dawned on me. This wasn’t just mere acting. I really had roles to play in building a successful relationship.
But that really is vague!
The typical response I get from people, when I ask what I should be engaging in, in preparing for a relationship is build yourself! But building you in what exactly? How would I know when I am ready to mingle and be a blessing to someone else other than myself?
If you have these questions, congrats! You are in the right place. Let us demystify what is expecting of us, whilst waiting.
WHAT TO DO WHILE WAITING!
- UNDERSTAND COMPATIBILITY
Compatibility is simply the degree to which you agree and get along with a person and his ideologies. For you to agree and get along, you must understand what your particular interests are, no matter how numerous they might seem. The success of any relationship is largely hinged upon Compatibility.
Compatibility is in various forms; purpose, values, finances, faith, character, activities, interests and passions.
Let’s examine few things: What is your perspective on faith and religion? What role does culture play in your making decisions? What is your concept of family and unity? How do you deal with failure and success? Are you largely conservative or loud? Until you know who you truly are, you won’t know who you should be with. Gain unreserved clarity as regards your life and purpose here.
Having successfully gained insight into who you are, you need to know who will complement you. Personality tests have proven to be helpful in instances like this; you can take one here.
The goal is to build a holistic and balanced family. Look out for your shortcomings, and choose someone who complements them.
Personally, I love the night seasons and periods. I struggle to get up early in the morning; but I’m learning to do so now. However, I will be best suited with a personal who naturally loves to get out of bed in time. This would prevent our kids from always showing up at school late…and the likes. You get the drift?
As little as it might seem, factor every part of you into the equation. This keeps you busy. You are getting to know more about yourself, and enjoying the process.
As a result, , you will get to appreciate the fact that you haven’t been hooked up earlier than this. You probably would have made a disastrous choice. Not everyone is meant to be in your life for a lifetime. You have the power of choice.
Be consoled, you are deserving of love. There are things in your life that cannot change. Embrace it on this journey.
However, change the things that are detrimental to your growth and the happiness of the people around you. But don’t lose your personality in the process. It is your UNIQUE advantage.
- BUILD QUALITY FRIENDSHIPS
Almost always the best part of my single journey. I got to meet so many people and gain genuine friends. Friendship is a very treasured asset; I will explain why.
Time proves a lot of things. Ingenuity is proven in time. Pretense always has an expiring date. You have the ability to be objective about choices when you seek to gain friends without ulterior motives. Truth is, a long lasting relationship always stems out of friendship; but that shouldn’t be the goal of making friends.
Friendship is the avenue where you get to know a person. You don’t go out of your way to make a friend; it hardly lasts that way. Your most treasured friendships, how were they formed? It almost always happens with having similar interests, passions and compatibility.
Similarly, you find yourselves in places of common interest, get to converse, and then a likability occurs.
Genuine friendships aren’t forced. You attract friends genuinely loving men. As you get to care about people, look out for them and seek the good of others, you notice people would naturally gravitate towards you. Why fake being friendly, when you can actually be?
As you gain friends, determine your compatibility level with each one of them. Learn how to be unselfish and care for other people’s interests. Friendship takes away, to a large degree, the loneliness factor you feel and have. You might act like they all don’t matter, but with people, we are always better.
The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.
Audrey Hepburn
Generally, relating and building a team as regards anything amplifies your efforts and results. You are stronger, better, greater, as a result. Embrace relationships that you get the opportunity to pull valuable resources together and achieve a common goal.
- TAKE AWAY UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS
What makes a man worried? When he has an expectation he is unable to meet. You are worried sick about being single because you’ve built so many castles in your mind, you don’t want to see crumble.
You probably are afraid of what society would label you as, because you are single. Adding to the pressure, you cannot afford to settle for less, after being single all the while.
Painful truth is, many people don’t actually care so much. You allow yourself become a victim of societal backlash, because of how much importance you attach to them.
Being with someone (Dating) is about finding out who you are, and who the other person is. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen.
Henry Cloud
For a moment, take off the charade and be yourself. Learn the art of building. Nothing lasts except it is being built.
You might not have all you desire to have in a person; but you can build for instance. As beautiful as a love story can be, it is only as beautiful as the lives of the people involved in it. So valid question is, how beautiful have you made your life become?
Your expectations are reasonable to the degree you have worked on yourself. As the law of attraction works, you attract the quality of people you are, personally.
So how do you keep your sanity while waiting? You build in yourself the character traits, the wisdom, the aura and resources you desire to have in a mate. As you improve yourself continually, the kinds of people within and around yourself improve, or are replaced. This is a time tested principle; go for it!
Singleness is not a curse.
Nothing magical accompanies your decision to get involved with a person. If it is any consolation, a relationship amplifies everything! Your strengths, insecurities, flaws are all brought to bare when you are with a person. This is the exact same thing that happens when you relate with God.
Above all, you have the gift of time to become a masterpiece. Make it worthwhile.
What is the one action you will take henceforth, as you wait in for a relationship? I can’t wait to hear from you!
