For a first date, there is always a behind-the-scene story. Chances are that the first time you get asked out, or you ask a person out isn’t the first time it was contemplated. It just probably was the first time boldness came into the picture. You must work at giving a lasting good impression on your first date, especially if you only get asked out on online dating sites.

BACKGROUND STORY

Before you set out on a date with anyone, three things must happen:

• Be sure to have spoken to the person on phone, at least once, and have seen a picture or two of your intended date. This is applicable only if the first date is the first time you’d be meeting with your date. It should help limit the surprises that would likely spring up.
• You must like the person; or at least be interested in something about the person. As much as possible, try to find out a few things about your date that also is intriguing to you. This way, you will be genuinely interested in the person.
• You should be informed as to possible allergies, phobia and anything that could bring social awkwardness. Seek the comfort of your date above yours at all times.

PREPARING FOR THE DATE

Anything worth doing is worth preparing for. A plan always makes you appear more thorough, calculated and collected than you probably are. And of course, preparation differs in both sexes. I will walk you through.

FOR THE GUY

More often than not, the guy is the master planner of a date. It is largely his responsibility to pick a suitable place and other logistics details. Here’s how it works.

–Have a budget. There’s nothing more embarrassing than having financial surprises come at you on a first date. A lady could decide to support you, but try to make it her choice; not an imposition.

Deliberately set aside the cost implication of a date, and some more money for miscellaneous. The cost of a date could also include logistics expenses of your date, if you do not own a car.

-Visit the place before the day. As you find out more about your date, look out for places she would be most comfortable, based on her personality. An introvert for instance would likely prefer a nice, calm and natural environment. Find out more about your date, and have her in mind while picking a venue.

Visit the venue to verify prices, etiquette and mode of operation. Ask for payment options, food varieties, booking logistics, reservations etc. You don’t have to take your date to a place you have been to countless times, to ensure comfort. All you need do is proper homework and you all will be fine.

–Know what to wear. This is usually the most overlooked tip for the guys. Every other thing gets set apart from the right clothes to wear.

In picking the right clothes, what matters most is how much they fit, not how expensive you want to look. Consider the place of meeting, the weather and time of meeting. However, you never go wrong with jeans. You can style it in numerous ways, and still manage to look smart yet casual.

-Do a mental preparation. This is one of the most effective ways to be proactive. Envision anything that could possibly go wrong on your date and find a way to tackle it.

What if your date trips? What if you sneeze and catarrh comes out carelessly from your nose? What if you fart or have a runny stomach? What if your date picks up something you didn’t plan to buy or pay for? What if it rains and you don’t own a car?

Also, prepare open ended questions to keep the conversation going. Don’t go battering your date with intrusive and personal questions. Make the questions and conversations interesting and easy to relate with.

Remember; the goal isn’t to have a perfect day, but give a lasting impression that would earn you another date. Seek to have answers to these questions and you will be well on your way to achieving your goal.

FOR THE LADY

–Don’t go out empty handed. I know it is typical for gentlemen to take care of the bills, but that doesn’t take away your contribution. Offer to pay for something. You don’t have to be pushy about it, but an offer is good.

Ensure you also have some reserve in case your date overshoots his budget.

-Know what to wear. Have options; just in case something goes wrong with your intended outfit.

Comfort is priority in picking out an outfit. Appropriate clothing is the chief sponsor of a girl’s confidence. Look out for fashionable, yet comfortable clothes. Limit trying out new things you’ve never worn, to impress your date. It almost never ends up well.

Pick an outfit that doesn’t show too much skin. We don’t wanna be passing a wrong message on a first date. Also, the kind of date, venue and time play a huge determinant. Here are samples.

Also, do make over that makes your face pop; not give you an entire scary new look. We want you to be easily recognizable.

–Be punctual. It is no way fashionable to be late; especially on a first date. Begin all preparations early enough to make it just in time for your date. Consider traffic, climatic factors and external elements that could make you late for your date.

THE D-DAY IS HERE (Dos and Don’ts)

DOs

• Pay nice compliments to your date. Ensure the compliments are not sexual or sarcastic. Say it nicely and with a great smile.
• Ask more open ended questions. This means, ask questions that would require more than just a YES or NO answer.

As opposed to asking, do you like a quiet place? Rephrase and ask; what about a quiet place intrigues you?

• Keep the conversation safe and light. Keep it casual.

Be interesting. The only way to be interesting is to appear INTERESTED. Make the conversation a two-way thing. Stop and listen to your date occasionally. Answer questions nicely, and ask for feedback and opinions. 

• Live in the moment.

Don’t drift to fantasy land and leave your date stranded. Speak up if you are unclear about some facts, or uncomfortable at any point. Maintain the right attitude, and appear curious or at least enthusiastic.

• Uphold personal boundaries.

It is unhealthy to downplay your values and boundaries because you want your date to feel comfortable.

• Look out for body language.

We communicate more with body than with words. You ascertain how comfortable and enjoyable your date is going paying attention to the body language of your date.

Check for posture, sitting position, eye focus, genuine smile…everything.

• Be yourself.

If your date would like anything, it is going to be you. Love yourself enough to be comfortable in your own skin. Don’t try to show off or impress. Just be you in the right measure.

It is fine to admit you are nervous, but pick up along the way. Don’t get self absorbed; the date isn’t all about you.

DON’Ts

• Avoid negativity.

Negativity is highly infectious.

Don’t talk negatively about yourself. Realize that anything you don’t like about yourself can be changed. Don’t focus on what isn’t working; focus on things you love and are proud about.

Don’t talk negatively about family members or any other person.

• Avoid talking in details about past relationships.

This never turns out well. It always gives the impression that you are yet to move on from your past. It also creates a bridge no one would want to cross. Let the past remain past.

• Avoid these talks:

-Money talk

-Politics

-Religion conflicts

-Family secrets

Learn more about modern etiquette here.

• Don’t get into an accolade competition

The goal of the outing is not who has done more or less. Your worth lies in who you are within, not external accolades and achievements. Focus on portraying your values, as against flaunting your achievements or trivializing your date’s accomplishments.

• Don’t become self absorbed.

Focus on getting to know the other person. Do more of asking than telling. Let the other person’s comfort be your priority.

• Put away your phone.

Take away every distraction, and listen. Let your date have all of your attention.

• No alcohol.

This is a personal rule. No drinking, smoking, or any other offensive habit on a first date. Maintain decorum at all times. You wouldn’t want to make a fool of yourself.

• Don’t raise your voice for whatever reason.

This is a big turn off. Remain cool headed, no matter how infuriating it gets. You could be excused if you need to cool off at any time.

MUST EVERY DATE END WITH A KISS?

The answer to kissing on a first date is highly subjective. It is largely dependent on you as a person. Does your culture permit it? Does your conscience permit it? Does your faith permit it?

Most importantly, the timing must be right. I personally advise that the guy should initiate this if it has to happen.

WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT

Not all dates turn out to be spectacular; but you become a better person after every date. Let go if you notice the date isn’t working out fine.

It is advisable to follow up your date, but don’t send multiple strings of long text messages after every date to appeal to your date’s emotions. Know when to hold on, and let go. The signs are always unmistakable. But if you follow these tips, be sure to get a second date except you don’t want it.

How applicable are these tips? What has been your most exciting date yet? We would love to hear from you.